Saturday, November 15, 2008
Kol D'Asah HKBH L'tav Hu
My son gave over a d'var torah last night that really resonated for me. So simple, so beautiful, so true. I mentioned that this week was the yahrzeit of Reb Shlomo ZTZ'L. So he told a dt that he had heard last year at our shul's Carlbach Shabbaton. He heard it from Rabbi Twerski. In the Shma HKBH is mentioned by both Ha-Shem and Elo-keinu signifying both Rachmim and Din. It seems strange that in the pasuk that is declaring G-d's oneness that he should be referred to by two different names/attributes. The answer that was given is that rachmim and din ARE indeed one. Even when HKBH deals with us in what we call middat hadin in reality it's not...we just can't see it! There are so many examples of terrible things that happen to us. Years later, we realize that these things were indeed rachamim, we just thought they were din.
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8 comments:
Maayan,
First of all feel free to rant on my blog whenever you see fit. I would never delete your comment! I think what you are saying is EXACTLY the point. Right now you are hurting and no one can minimize that...but if you can try to understand that in the BIG picture these rejections might make some sense in the long run that you just can't see now. I also totally live by the concept that HKBH forgives us in the way that we forgive others. If we truly forgive others for things that clearly were "their fault" then I believe (I really do) that one day when we are begging forgiveness for something that we did which was 100 percent wrong then maybe HKBH will forgive us too. I really believe this and it really allows me to let go of my anger and feel good and whole again. Holding on to anger will only hurt you - not the one who you are angry at because chances are they don't care even a fraction of what you do. Also re. family member - that's really tough, but at least with friends you get to choose your categories one two and three, and then make sure that you know the difference. Also, and I know that I'm rambling a bit try to give your goodness out to your family and closest friends first and then maybe you won't feel so hurt if it's not reciprocated? I don't know....just some not so simple truths IMHO...I hope your pain goes away quickly....but remember...you hold the key to letting it go.....
This really is a tough one. I also had someone act in way that, at the time, I felt was completely out of what I could expect, and it involved my children and switching schools. I was really upset by the person's behavior, which had an impact on the school they ended up in. Despite trying to tell myself that HKBH wanted things differently, I still have trouble with what the person did. I sympathize with Maayan's comment and while I intellectually understand your reply, I still find myself very uncomfortable with what the person did. Because we still have to factor in a person's free will, which may not have been intended for the best. But maybe that is the point? If we forgive, even the intentional bad behavior, HKBH will ours? Though this seems to get theologically very sticky when carried to certain extreme actions.
esq...thanks for your thoughtful comment. there are really two things playing here. one is the acceptance that we can't always see the big picture and sometimes only in retrospect can we see that what we thought was initially bad was actually so good! this has happened to me so many times in life that i cannot even begin to count the number of times....
that is not to be confused with the fact that everything that another "human" does is for the good. clearly you and Maayan were hurt and i am positive that both instances were unjust and not "for good" necessarily. those acts were done by "man."
i personally, (even in cases like these) try to forgive...at least in my heart. in the long run it leaves me feeling less stressed and i think good begets good. letting go of anger "for me" at least is very therapeutic coupled with the fact that i do believe that those that forgive easily will be forgiven easily as well.
none of these things, however, minimize your or maayan's hurt and i wish you both healing and the ability to let go of the hurt in any way that is comfortable for you! thanks for your comment!
also on a personal note i was very hurt/angry with an institution who didn't accept one of my children and now i see that his/her life turned out so much better for the other choice that she had to choose instead. hoping that a similar scenario will play out for you!
Thank you for your sensitive reply. Thank g-d the kids are fine now with their school.
But, your reply reminded me of something I wasn't thinking of when I commented - that we're not supposed to hold grudges.
I think you have a very good point when you said that '... letting go of anger ...is very therapeutic coupled with the fact that i do believe that those that forgive easily will be forgiven easily as well.'
Thanks for the reminder!
Esq. - I am so happy that your kids are happy in school now. Don't you find that your kids are a projection of yourself...or maybe what I'm trying to say is that when the kids are happy, we are happy. Thanks for your comment.
Can I eat crow? Well . . . half a bowl, anyway. So . . . the door opened. I had gotten a tad of a tad of a whiff of a drip of coldness which for a super sensitive individual (me?) can be as loud and dramatic (and beautiful) as a fireworks display on the 4th of July. But just because my heightened attunedness read something, I realize I may have attributed incorrect meaning to what I perceived. Maybe the person was worried about something else, maybe the person was tired, maybe the person wasn't centered for any number of reasons. I am deeply grateful that the opportunity wasn't closed to my child and am once again impressed with the kindness and thoughtfulness of this individual in recent exchanges. What did I learn? I learned that even though I've learned to trust my gut/intuition/perception, I don't know it all. Spoon, please!
Maayan
PS Speaking rr of "when the kids are happy we are happy" reminds me of a saying a friend shared with me that her mother shared with her: "You're only as happy as your least happy child."
PPS Thank you esqcapades for sympathizing. I appreciate it.
Thanks Maayan! No need to eat crow. I love that quote from your friend's mother! It is so true!
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